You are alive
but your ghost
No split second of time
could haunt me more
than the fraction
moment I paused
before picking up
There is a sad sweet comfort
in knowing you won’t live till thirty.
So sure I was I wasn’t strong,
I would snap myself before then.
As issues piled on and hope fell away
it was reassuring to think
Don’t worry, it won’t be long now
Soon, you get to rest.
When you are living only for other people
because you hate yourself so much,
you know it is all dismantling
when you’re sure it’s better for them gone.
But for me there came a moment
of stillness on that cliff,
when it struck me I did not want to die
I just couldn’t live like this.
And morbid as it sounds,
there is sweet comfort in
knowing if all this trying fails,
your friend death is always there.
Exquisite hard and sharp and bright,
life’s light startled and pained me,
but when you’ve lived with death so long,
it takes a lot to shake you.
Little by little I pieced myself back,
and the wonderful thing
about burning a life to the ground
is you can rebuild it all your own.
This new task was so daunting,
never thought of it before.
How complex it is to build a life
you never thought you’d live!
So many things that others have
you never bothered to do or practice,
but maybe you also have things
that they themselves do not?
Because it was when that old self died
that you found amongst the ashes-
not only a life you never knew,
but finally its worth.