Eating

I am not good at eating
but in a different way than before.

My life then was so empty
felt sure I needed to be too,
controlling food controlled my worth,
never felt deserving of that either.

I did not understand my body
or even what my problem with it was,
and I felt my failure as a female
meant I needed to try work harder
at fitting it into nothing.

I was not good at eating
but in a different way than before.

Ironic sad it was my attempt to fix this first
problem that threw in and up a second.
I felt worthy of so little that when I took of any
I had to make that lurch and scratch in same.

My life then was so empty
but mind bloated full of shame
and I got danger caught forcing my system
to stuff and shed and pain.

I am not good at eating
but in a different way than before.

My life has opened up now
and finally I have too.
A life so full of meaning, bliss
of joy and silliness,
wild words and stillness,
of love and warm armed calm.

A mind now so quiet inspired
almost forget possession of this body
for this body means so very little
in any scheme of things.

I am not good at eating now
because I am too busy
living dreams.

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