I am working

I am working.

I’m working on healing my heart
and putting back together the body I broke
with all my self-hate and shame.
I’m working on believing
in my own light and strength,
in helping others see theirs.

I am working

I’m working on telling us all
that the bad things that have happened to us
didn’t happen because we are bad people.
We are all just the sum of everything
done to us and gone before.
I did the best that I could.
I made the best decisions
I was able to with what I had
and knew and was at the time.

I am working.

I am working on undoing the damage
I did to myself with the whispering rules that they gave me.
I talked myself round into deep circles of shame-
do you think I should hate myself more
for what this world taught me to say?

I am working

I am working on believing myself
when I say I am strong,
I am everything good that I am now
not in spite of what I’ve been through,
but because of it.

I am working

I’m working on telling
that to every trampled seed,
every marginalised spark.
You are worthy.
You are strong.
You are loved.

I am working.

I’m working on finding my voice
after so many years of being silenced and silent.
I’m working on believing people
when they tell me this voice has power.
That this voice telling it’s truths
tells others theirs have power too,
that our truths are our strength
not our weakness,
and what we learnt
from those depths that crushed us-
could light up the world.

I am working.

I’m working on harnessing my truths to my words,
on forgiving myself for my past,
on letting others share theirs
and forgive themselves too.

I am working.

I’m working on testing these words, these waters.
On listening and on truly seeing
that which means the most to us all.
A feeling that we are okay.
We are okay, exactly as we are right now,
that you don’t have to be
or have or do
or say or buy
or think or feel
anything different
than exactly now.

I am working.

I’m working on speaking
loud enough and long enough
and high enough,
because I know now
I deserve to be heard-
we all do.

The way things are is not working.

It’s not working,
and it’s killing us,
as surely as it was killing me
through my own hand.
As an each, and as an all-
we are throwing our energy backwards
when we need it to build a future.

It is not working.

We all know by now that the things
that hold who we are-
the colour or shape or type
of our existence-
in no way lessens or negates it.
That we are something
even when we have nothing.

It is not working.

It’s not working when doors
are shut on more and more,
while only a few own them all.

It is not working.

When a system breaks the spirits
of those that need it’s help most,
and blames them for it.
We aren’t here holding our hands out
for money.

I am working.

I’m working on holding my stronger and steadying
hands out for others.
I’ve only just thawed my spirit myself,
but the bitingly bitter indifference
can’t help but set my heart aflame.
There’s a fire in me, in all.
And there’s so much more light building
when we let go everything in the way.
Hold that light out for others.
That’s your renewable
power source for the future.

It is not working,
but it can be.

It isn’t working because it tells us
we aren’t if we don’t,
that we aren’t worthy if we can’t.

It all only works when it works for all.

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